Working with your spouse can be extremely rewarding. After all, you’ve probably heard the saying “Families that work together, stick together”. 

Well, after 30 plus years of marriage, 4 businesses, and 20 plus years of working together, we can say it’s true. BUT . . . 

Just as there are commandments for marriage and life, if you’re thinking of going into business and working with your spouse you’ll want to ensure you follow these 10 Commandments for Working with your Spouse in Business.

I will be the first to tell you that not all our days working together have been sunshine and roses. There were some very dark days early on, but we managed to put our relationship first over our business interests. Now, we have much greater respect for each other personally, and we realize that the rest is, as they say, “just business”. These 10 commandments have been our guiding principles in working together. When “stuff goes bad” we refer to them to keep us on track. We hope you’ll use these as your guide to having an amazing personal and business partnership. 

10 Commandments for Working with your Spouse in Business

COMMANDMENT 1: Thou shalt put your relationship first

Put your marriage above the business(es). It truly is that simple. Make sure you both agree to this before you even start. NO MATTER WHAT ELSE HAPPENS, AND IT WILL. We schedule weekly date nights where we don’t “talk business”, we just focus on us. Each week the other partner plans that weeks’ date night. Dinner, movies, massages, walks in the park, have brought us closer and give us an outlet to have fun together.

COMMANDMENT 2:  Thou shalt communicate calmly and regularly

A lesson we’ve both learned through the years is that you can never over-communicate. Our motto is “Communicate a lot, communicate often.” Have regular sit down planning sessions  check-ins to discuss what is working, and of course what is not. We have a set day/time we do these weekly so it doesn’t get “pushed aside”. Have a set agenda you follow and make sure one of those items is to discuss what IS working. It’s easy to get stuck on what isn’t working. We like to start our meetings with “Quick Wins From Last Week”. This gets us in the right mindset and reinforces the positive progress being made, even if it’s just a baby step. Of course, you’ll need to discuss what is NOT working and find solutions to it. This is where commandment 3 comes into play.

COMMANDMENT 3:  Thou shalt listen to your partner

You have 2 ears and one mouth for a reason. No doubt you’ve had to discuss personal issues in your relationship. The most positive outcomes come when each side has an opportunity to share their perspective while the other just listens without judgement or fear of reprisal. The same foundations hold true in business. Listen, listen, listen.  I will say it again, listen to your partner. Let them speak. Let them be part of the team. Let them make decisions good or bad, and support them. 

COMMANDMENT 4:  Have common goals and a shared purpose

You’re going into business together. One spouse’s goal may be to make $X while the other spouse’s goal may be to expand into new territories. Not that both of those goals can’t be worked on simultaneously, but it’s vital that you agree – up front – what your goals are and what you’ll do to achieve them. We found that creating a shared mission statement for each business kept us focused and on track. That mission statement answers THE WHY. Why we do what we do. Then whenever there’s a disagreement on the “tactics” you can look at the mission statement and determine if it’s really moving you towards achieving your agreed-upon goals and purpose.

COMMANDMENT 5:  Have a plan to handle conflict and differences

It’s going to happen. More than once. You and your partner/spouse are going to disagree. There will be conflict. How are you going to handle it? You will both likely bring different strengths and weaknesses to the table.  First, know what those are for both of you and assign goals and tasks according to each other’s strengths and weaknesses. For us, we know that Dave is brilliant at finances, technology and problem-solving. Stacey is brilliant at strategy, marketing, employee development. We let each other do what they do best. When a problem arises, we first determine who would be the best person to address it. We may not necessarily agree on the solution, but we do always agree that we let the person best suited to come up with a solution they feel will work. 

Does it always work? No, but we’ve both learned that it’s more important to win the war, not the battle (see commandment #4). Put a mechanism in place that gives you a way to get away from the confrontation whether that is saying something as simple as “I need a break” or “I’m going to the bathroom”, and then walk away. Then reconvene when you have had time to bring yourself under control. We have a timeout word.  When the word is spoken, we stop completely what we are doing, or move onto something else.  Stacey’s word is “robot”, Dave’s word is “banana”. Respect each other no matter what. Nothing is more important than your relationship. 

COMMANDMENT 6:  Separate your work and family life

Oh boy! Obviously, this one is difficult when you work, eat and sleep together day in and day out, but it must be done. Keep in mind when you run your own business there will always be more to do than time to do it. This being said, you need to find a way to shut it off. We both have our cutoffs daily. Stacey makes sure all business is done and phone and computer are off by no later than 7pm daily. Dave is an early riser, so he generally cuts-off by 6pm. Yes, of course weekends are in play, but same thing, limit weekend work exposure to a max of a couple hours each day. You’ll find yourself to be so much more productive and efficient when you cut off business and balance with some fun, family and pleasure time.

COMMANDMENT 7:  Learn how to compromise

You mean it can’t always be your way or the highway? Sorry, no. Not if you want to have a successful working relationship with your spouse. When an issue arises, go back to each of your strengths and weaknesses and your mission statement. Remember to always respect each other. That means if it’s your spouses’ strength, and you disagree, yield to your partners’ strength, and vice versa. Whatever is decided, just make sure someone owns that decision. Sometimes it may just mean dropping the whole thing because it doesn’t fit into the mission statement and/or after discussion, you both realize it’s not as important as originally thought. 

COMMANDMENT 8:  Understand your partner’s business style

This is different than strengths and weaknesses. This is about how each of you approach work. What is your leadership style? Are you more passive or more aggressive? Do you prefer to be “doing” or “delegating”? Consider doing a Myers Briggs or other psychological assessment such as the one we use with our franchise candidates, Zorackle. This will help each partner better understand their (and their partner’s) strengths and weaknesses as well as how your partner thinks. With us, Stacey is much more of a “nurturer/relator”, while Dave, with his strong drive and more analytical mind is more of an “achiever”. Knowing this going into our businesses and working together allows us to better understand where ideas are coming from, and in most cases why. Use this to your advantage in business. 

COMMANDMENT 9:  Take time off and celebrate success

You’re working hard and always looking forward. That’s what business owners do. However, it’s important to take a moment to stop, smell the roses, look backwards and recognize/celebrate your successes together. If you’re doing those regular meetings we talked about in commandment 2, you’re sharing wins, no matter how small. This commandment though is about taking time for yourselves and re-energizing. Decide together what you’ll work towards. Perhaps it’s a nice vacation, a fancy meal out together, or a day at the spa. Make it visual, write it down, and share the rewards at your planning meetings from above. You will start to focus on the rewards, and once again, not the struggles. 

COMMANDMENT 10:  Aim for balance

This one is hard, we’re not going to lie. But you’ve got to remind yourself daily that this venture you’re both working on is a journey. There will be good days. There will be bad days. There will be days the wallet is full. There will be days the wallet is empty. Irregardless of where you are on the journey, wake up every day being grateful. You can always find at least one thing that you can be thankful for. Eat healthy, exercise, and laugh. These 3 things will keep you balanced and positive.

Thinking of starting a business with your spouse? Let us help you find the PERFECT franchise. Set up a 15-minute “Virtual Coffee” here.